First Time Gay Encounters #5: William


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I would be over at my neighbor's place for whatever reason, and any chance we would get to be alone we would make out.

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I remember when we broke the ice; I was at his place watching a football game, with him and his brother, my neighbor. My neighbor left to run errands, so I stayed with his brother to continue to watch the game. During halftime he went into the kitchen for some snacks, and I followed him. I couldn't help checking him out, and I noticed he'd check me out as well if I wasn't looking. I caught him, and we stared; I think we had had an attraction for awhile. I caressed his face; it was clean shaven, very fine, almost feminine. I kissed him, and ended up making out for about five minutes.

We paused, then continued only more intense. My cock was rock hard, and I wanted to fuck him. He rubbed my cock, only when we heard his brother pull up in the driveway. I ran to the bathroom to wait until my erection went down. Later we made a sex date, only to be interrupted again. After that we never got another chance.


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They moved and I started a relationship with a girl, so my gay fantasies laid dormant for awhile. After awhile, my fantasies of being with another guy only grew stronger. I would browse through "Men Seeking Men" online ads and be aroused by the men that posted their erotic pictures. I wanted to start off by giving a blowjob, after seeing how much I enjoyed being sucked; I wanted to pleasure another guy. I had played with my ass after watching gay porn , so suddenly I had the urge to bottom. I first showed off me playing with my ass through my webcam to random guys, in exchange for seeing them jack off and cum.

I did it several times until I decided I wanted some real meat. I replied to an ad for a guy who I thought was a good match. I'm uncut so I always had a thing for uncut cocks. He was uncut and well-built.

I sent him a picture of me nude on all four, and within two minutes he replied with his phone number. Either of them may, perhaps, find another for which it is better fitted. At least, nothing can be more cruel than to preserve, by violence, an union which, at first, was made by mutual love, and is now, in effect, dissolved by mutual hatred.


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But the liberty of divorces is not only a cure to hatred and domestic quarrels; it is also an admirable preservative against them, and the only secret for keeping alive that love which first united the married couple. The heart of man delights in liberty: the very image of constraint is grievous to it. In vain you tell me, that I had my choice of the person with whom I would conjoin myself. I had my choice, it is true, of my prison; but this is but a small comfort, since it must still be a prison. Such are the arguments which may be urged in favor of divorces: but there seem to be these three Unanswerable objections against them.

Must they be committed to the care of a step-mother, and, instead of the fond attention and concern of a parent, feel all the indifference or hatred of a stranger or an enemy? These inconveniences are sufficiently felt, where nature has made the divorce by the doom inevitable to all mortals: and shall we seek to multiply those inconveniences by multiplying divorces, and putting it in the power of parents, upon every caprice, to render their posterity miserable?

So sober an affection, therefore, as friendship, rather thrives under constraint, and never rises to such a height, as when any strong interest or necessity binds two persons together, and gives them some common object of pursuit. We need not, therefore, be afraid of drawing the marriage knot, which chiefly subsists by friendship, the closest possible.

How many frivolous quarrels and disgusts are there, which people of common prudence endeavor to forget, when they lie under a necessity of passing their lives together; but which would soon be inflamed into the most deadly hatred, were they pursued to the utmost, under the prospect of an easy separation?

The least possibility of a separate interest must be the source of endless quarrels and suspicions. The wife, not secure of her establishment, will still be driving some separate end or project; and the husband's selfishness, being accompanied with more power, may be still more dangerous.

The exclusion of polygamy and divorces sufficiently recommends our present European practice with regard to marriage. Whoever considers the length and feebleness of human infancy, with the concern which both sexes naturally have for their offspring, will easily perceive, that there must be an union of male and female for the education of the young, and that this union must be of considerable duration.

But in order to induce the men to impose on themselves this restraint, and undergo cheerfully all the fatigues and expenses, to which it subjects them, they must believe, that the children are their own , and that their natural instinct is not directed to a wrong object, when they give a loose to love and tenderness. Now if we examine the structure of the human body, we shall find, that this security is very difficult to be attained on our part; and that since, in the copulation of the sexes, the principle of generation goes from the man to the woman, an error may easily take place on the side of the former, though it be utterly impossible with regard to the latter.

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From this trivial and anatomical observation is derived that vast difference betwixt the education and duties of the two sexes. Were a philosopher to examine the matter a priori, he would reason after the following manner. Men are induced to labor for the maintenance and education of their children, by the persuasion that they are really their own; and therefore it is reasonable, and even necessary, to give them some security in this particular.

This security cannot consist entirely in the imposing of severe punishments on any transgressions of conjugal fidelity on the part of the wife; since these public punishments cannot be inflicted without legal proof, which it is difficult to meet with in this subject.

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What restraint, therefore, shall we impose on women, in order to counter-balance so strong a temptation as they have to infidelity? There seems to be no restraint possible, but in the punishment of bad fame or reputation; a punishment, which has a mighty influence on the human mind, and at the same time is inflicted by the world upon surmises, and conjectures, and proofs, that would never be received in any court of judicature.

In order, therefore, to impose a due restraint on the female sex, we must attach a peculiar degree of shame to their infidelity, above what arises merely from its injustice, and must bestow proportionable praises on their chastity. But though this be a very strong motive to fidelity, our philosopher would quickly discover, that it would not alone be sufficient to that purpose.

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All human creatures, especially of the female sex, are apt to over-look remote motives in favor of any present temptation: The temptation is here the strongest imaginable: Its approaches are insensible and seducing: And a woman easily finds, or flatters herself she shall find, certain means of securing her reputation, and preventing all the pernicious consequences of her pleasures.

It is necessary, therefore, that, beside the infamy attending such licenses, there should be some preceding backwardness or dread, which may prevent their first approaches, and may give the female sex a repugnance to all expressions, and postures, and liberties, that have an immediate relation to that enjoyment. Such would be the reasonings of our speculative philosopher: But I am persuaded, that if he had not a perfect knowledge of human nature, he would be apt to regard them as mere chimerical speculations, and would consider the infamy attending infidelity, and backwardness to all its approaches, as principles that were rather to be wished than hoped for in the world.

For what means, would he say, of persuading mankind, that the transgressions of conjugal duty are more infamous than any other kind of injustice, when it is evident they are more excusable, upon account of the greatness of the temptation? And what possibility of giving a backwardness to the approaches of a pleasure, to which nature has inspired so strong a propensity; and a propensity that it is absolutely necessary in the end to comply with, for the support of the species?

And though all these maxims [regarding chastity] have a plain reference to generation, yet women past child-bearing have no more privilege in this respect, than those who are in the flower of their youth and beauty. Men have undoubtedly an implicit notion, that all those ideas of modesty and decency have a regard to generation. As to the obligations which the male sex lie under, with regard to chastity , we may observe, that according to the general notions of the world, they bear nearly the same proportion to the obligations of women, as the obligations of the law of nations [i.


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  • It is contrary to the interest of civil society, that men should have an entire liberty of indulging their appetites in venereal enjoyment: But as this interest is weaker [in men] than in the case of the female sex, the moral obligation, arising from it, must be proportionably weaker [for men than for women]. And to prove this we need only appeal to the practice and sentiments of all nations and ages.

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    Humans have an inclination that is aimed at other people as objects of enjoyment, and not just towards the work and services of others that we might enjoy. We have no inclination to enjoy the flesh of another human being—and where it exists, it is more like a war of revenge than an inclination. But there remains an inclination in humans, which we call an appetite, that results in the enjoyment of other human beings. This is sexual desire.

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    I can surely make use of another person as an instrument for my services. I can use his hands and his feet for his service, even all of his powers—although I cannot use a man as I intend, except of his free will. But we do not find a person as an object of enjoyment by another except with sexual desire. There is something behind this that can be called a sixth sense, by which someone is an object of appetite for another. It is said that a man loves someone if he has a passion for her.

    When we view such love as genuine, and the person of genuine love loves someone, it must be with no distinction regarding the other person. She may be old or young, and so he can love her from true human love. But if he loves merely from sexual desire, this cannot be true love, but only an appetite. Love, as human love, is the love of benevolence, kindness, the promotion of happiness and joy for the happiness of others. But now it seems that people who merely sexually desire someone have none of this true human love towards the person; he is not concerned about her happiness, and even brings her misfortune just to satisfy his inclinations and appetites.

    If they love from sexual desire, they will make the person the object of their appetites; but as soon as they have their appetites satisfied, they throw the person away, just as one throws away a lemon once you have taken the juice out of it. Sexual love can indeed be combined with human love, and then it will also have human love with it. But if it is taken alone, it is nothing more than an appetite. In this way it is a degradation of human nature.

    As soon as a person is an object of appetite of others, all motives of moral relationship fade away because, as an object of appetite of another, the person becomes a thing, and may be used as a thing to satisfy the appetite of others.

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    There is no other case than this, where a person was destined by nature to be an object of enjoyment of others, and sexual desire is the basis of it. This is the reason why people are ashamed to have these desires, and why everyone who pretended to be a strict moralist, and regarded as a saint, has tried to suppress and dispense with this inclination.

    But a man who lacked such desires would be an imperfect person, since one would think that he lacked the organs to do such; he would then be an imperfection, rather than a man. Though a pretension, people have sought to refrain from such inclinations, because they degrade humanity. The inclination he has for the woman is not towards her as a person, but because she is a woman; it matters not that she is a human, but only that she is an object of his sexual desires. Humanity is devalued.

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